My boyfriend’s sister Aine is getting married in Ashford Castle next month, and he still hasn’t asked me to the wedding. We’ve been going out for a year and a half and the only reason I found out is because I discovered the invitation by accident in the back of a drawer when I was tidying up his living room. It was addressed to “Martin Plus One.” Up until then, I didn't even know he had a sister. Not wanting to leave anything to the last minute, I went out and bought a dress in Lord & Taylor (lilac with a white trim - very flattering specially when I’ve got my spanx and fake tan on). I even found a hat to match and have a deposit on a very sexy pair of strappy silver sandals. But now I’m getting concerned because my boyfriend still hasn’t mentioned anything. The wedding is only three weeks away! Should I just ask him outright? The thing, is, I don't want to ruin it if he's planning to surprise me. But how are we going to organize the present? And the flights? I’m thirty-three and I’m just too old for this lack of communication in a relationship – especially when its such a good opportunity for me to meet his parents finally.
Gillian, Yonkers
I wouldn’t mention anything. Just turn up on the day on your own looking fabulous, a vision in pale purple, with luminous orange skin. If he looks horrified to see you there, state, in a calm and off-hand manner, that you heard about it in the pub and assumed he'd just forgotten to ask you. Men are notoriously difficult to fathom when it comes to family weddings, possibly because the idea of a big public party celebrating commitment frightens them. He knows you’ll get all misty-eyed during the speeches and that portly old uncles will slap him on the back with a wink in your direction and comments about “making an honest woman out of her before she gets pregnant.” And believe me, there’s nothing terrifies a man more than the thought of his thirty-something girlfriend leapfrogging over teenage bridesmaids and knocking children out of the way in a desperate and violent attempt to catch the flying bouquet. Have confidence and strength in solitude. Think Princess Di at the Taj Mahal. Behave with decorum, ignore him for most of the day and flirt outrageously with the Best Man (not the Groom). Guaranteed by six o’clock your boyfriend will be getting all misty-eyed himself and asking you to sneak outside for a quick smooch and a proposal.
